SlumpBuster
by LadyKenz347
Summary: Hermione has a string of bad dates; Theo has just the solution. Slumpbuster: An easy romp, meant to boost your self confidence. Theo x Hermione x Harry


Hermione let out an audible groan as she buried her face in the crook of her arm, careful not to spill her wine on Harry's new sofa. "How is it possible?" She bemoaned, lifting her face with a scowl. "I'm nearing a dozen dud-dates. It's me. It _has_ to be me. I knew I shouldn't have gone off about the tangent on Muggle literature, but the man was seriously lacking in—"

The side of Harry's face screwed up, and he shook his head in a well-meaning gesture. "Hermione, if you brought up literature on your first date... that _might_ be the problem," he said, topping off the rest of their wine glasses before settling into the nook under Theo's arm. "It's not that it's not a terribly interesting topic—" he rolled his eyes. "—_truly._ It's just maybe not… first date material."

Theo shook with laughter as he brought his goblet to his stained lips, and Hermione's gaze narrowed at the happy couple in annoyance. The two of them had fallen into a passionate sex affair that blossomed effortlessly into a loving relationship with assigned sides of the bed and plans for a dog. She loathed and loved them all at once.

"Have you heard of a slump-buster, Granger?" Hermione didn't miss the way Harry's elbow jabbed into Theo's ribs or the way that Theo's tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip before catching said lip in his teeth.

"A— A _what_?"

"_Slump_. Buster. It means an easy lay that makes you feel good—gives you confidence and… well, busts your slump." Theo's full lips pulled up into a smirk as he laid his arm lazily over Harry's chest. But there was something in Harry's expression… maybe in the soft blush to his cheeks or the way he downed the rest of his wine.

An ember in her belly was stoked as Theo's hand splayed over the firm planes of Harry's stomach, but she shook her head. "No. And I've no intention of finding some poor sod to have pity sex with me."

There it was again, a flick of his tongue and a flash behind his blue eyes. "Pity fuck? What makes you think that?"

Hermione lifted her wine glass to her lips and took a generous gulp before settling back into her corner of the couch. Maybe she'd end up like this with Theo and Harry… maybe they'd allow her a guest room where she and her many cats could call home, and she could take up knitting house-elf hats.

"Trust me. No one wants anything I'm putting out." Her voice was low, almost as if she were speaking only to her wine glass as she drained the rest of it and summoned a fresh bottle.

"Harry does."

Hermione's eyes blew wide before a laugh bubbled past her lips, and she batted at the wine and spit threatening to dribble down her chin. "Okay," she mocked, her face screwing up. "Be serious."

"I _am_ serious."

Rolling her eyes, Hermione let out a heavy sigh. "Brilliant. My list of prospects is now getting to the point where I'm considering propositioning my gay best friend—"

"I'm _not_ gay!" Harry shouted, jumping from the crook of Theo's arm at the same time that Theo barked out a wicked laugh.

"Yeah, he was _super_ gay when he fucked Katie Bell last month." Theo chuckled, finishing off another glass of wine and filling everyone's with a quick flick of his wrist.

"Harry Potter!" Hermione shrieked, only partly as a chastisement—the other half was fully surprised. "You cheated on Theo with Kat—"

"Cheated?" Theo choked, turning brusquely towards her. "I assure you, I fully fucked her as well. Don't dishonor me so, witch."

Hermione's eyes clenched shut, and she set her wine glass down with perhaps too much force. "Wait. _What_?"

Pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, Harry attempted to quell the anxiety sweeping over his features. "Theo, don't do this."

"Don't do _what_? The girl needs something, Potter. Something I know you want to give her…" The tips of Harry's ears flamed crimson, and Hermione watched them with a slack jaw. She must have misunderstood what they were talking about. Maybe they'd meant a slump buster was a date—maybe Harry was going to take her to dinner.

"Are you saying—" Hermione gulped, her fingers splaying over her denim-clad thighs as she attempted to wipe away the sweat covering her palms. "You two—" She swished her pointer finger back and forth at the two of them. "You have sex with witches… _together_?"

Theo snorted before taking another drink. "Of course we do. Potter's arse is nice and tight and all, but his lack of tits leaves something to be desired. There is something about the general softness of a woman—" Theo's hand came up to rest at the curve of Harry's neck, and Harry leaned into the touch, his eyes fluttering closed as his partner massaged him lightly. Theo's lips curled in a grin, and he set his wine glass down and leaned forward towards Harry, pressing his lips on the taut lines of his throat. There was a flash of his tongue as he latched onto Harry's neck, and Hermione felt something stir inside her.

She blinked a few times, shifting in her seat as she tried to ignore the intimate moment playing out in front of her. From the corner of her eye, she watched as Theo pressed his body against Harry's back and pulled him tightly into the space between his thighs before sliding up his flat stomach.

Harry chuckled but turned towards his boyfriend, claiming his mouth in a simple but inviting kiss. Hermione's nose wrinkled as she tried to ignore the new ache between her thighs—Merlin, they were right. She did need to get laid.

Clearing his throat, Harry disentangled his tongue from Theo's lips, and Theo let out a soft chuckle as his hand slid down to rest on Harry's inner thigh.

"Sorry, Hermione," Harry said bashfully, the lingering blush flaring to life. "Blame the wine." However, he still took another healthy drink before setting it back down.

A new irritation sprang to mind, and her head whipped in their direction, her eyes narrowing to a glare. "How _many _witches have the two of you slept with?"

Harry sputtered, hacking and slamming his fist into his chest as he tried to regain his composure. Theo had no such issue and shrugged. "Separately or together?"

"Together."

"Theo—" Harry warned in a low voice, and tension settled over his shoulders.

"Six." No hesitation. His eyes were trained firmly on Hermione, and she could almost feel a challenge behind his stare.

Her brow flinched, her back straightening as she met his challenge with one of her own. "Who?"

Theo smirked, catching his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment before continuing. "Well there was Katie last month, the Patil twins over Christmas holiday—they were particularly feisty weren't they, Harry? Well, I guess if you count the twins as two then it was seven girls altogether." Hermione's jaw fell loose as she stared at her very best friend, burying his face in palms as his boyfriend emptied the skeletons from their proverbial closet. "Anyway, Luna once at the Vernal Equinox because she was kinky like that and who else was there… Oh, well Ginny for those few months—"

"_Ginny Weasley!_" Hermione shrieked, the back of her hand slapping hard against Harry's shoulder. "Harry Potter you slept with Ginny Weasley and didn't think to even _once_ glance my direction. I'm… well, I'm…" Words failed her spectacularly, and she hit him again for no reason whatsoever.

Harry's emerald glare peeked out from behind his hands, utter shock and awe painted over his features. "You're upset that I didn't proposition you?"

Theo chuckled smugly from behind Harry as he lounged in his corner of the sofa, his head shaking back and forth. "I told you she'd be down for it."

"I am _not_!" Hermione huffed.

"See!" Harry sent a pointed look back at Theo. "I don't even know how we got on this ridiculous discussion—"

"Oh! So now it's ridiculous that two wizards such as yourself might consider taking me to bed when you take such trolls as Ginerva Weasley and the Patil twins. Brilliant!" Hermione's rage was surprising and unwelcome, but she couldn't tamp it back down for the life of her.

"_Trolls_?" Theo balked. "Those witches are fit. You should see how far Ginny Weasley can stretch her legs behind her head." His thick brow lifted high on his forehead as he laughed. "Honestly, it's quite a sight. Even if you aren't into redheads—which I'm decidedly not"

"Can we stop discussing our very private sex life now?" Harry groaned. "_Please_?"

"Sure thing, Potter. Just as soon as you kiss Granger there; you'll hurt her feelings if you don't."

A blush crawled up Hermione's chest, staining her neck before working its way to her cheeks, and whether it was the wine or the topic or the wizards, Hermione found that she wanted to kiss Harry if only to one-up Ginny fucking Weasley, the little tart.

"I'm not kissing her, Theo—"

Hermione's head cocked back as if he'd slapped her, and she let out an indignant scoff before she drained her fourth—or was it her fifth?—glass of wine.

"And why not?" Hermione said in a brusque tone, her arms crossing squarely under her breasts.

Harry's head whipped in her direction, his hands gesticulating wildly. "_What_?! Now you're cross I won't kiss you? This is spiraling…" Harry's eyes bulged wide and round as he began speaking to himself. "This must be some version of my nightmare when the girl I've wanted to kiss since third year takes every single last bloody thing and twists it to be cross with me."

Both of her hands shot out, curling around the back of his neck and yanking him hard against her mouth. That ought to shut him up…

For a brief, awkward, moment, both their eyes remained open as their lips met for the first time. But then, Harry's mouth shifted, just a breath, against hers, just enough that it sent a flutter to her tummy as his kiss turned firm. Her shoulders softened, and her back arched into him as his hands found her hips and curled around the slender curve of her bum.

Both their eyes closed, and Hermione let out a feminine little noise as one of Harry's hands slipped down and squeezed the thick of her thigh. The realization that she was kissing Harry settled over her, and she made to pull back, doubt washing over her.

But Harry had none of that; as he entered her space, the hand on her thigh sliding up her ribs and grazing the side of her breast. The slight touch made her gasp, and when her lips parted, his tongue darted inside, brushing his tongue against her in a moan-inducing kiss that took over every inch of her.

Hermione moved, crawling into his lap and settling her legs over his thighs. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she felt him grin against her lips as he pulled her firmly against his burgeoning erection. Harry's lips left hers, trailing down her jaw and neck and she let her head lilt backward as he laved her in hot, wet kisses.

There was movement on the couch and Hermione's eyes shot open, momentarily having forgotten that there was a third person in the room. He watched as the panic settled over her features, about to scurry from Harry's lap, and Theo struck quickly, like a snake. He first pressed his lips against Harry's throat then rose to stand, coming behind Hermione.

She could feel the heat of him behind her, and she knew at that moment she was making a decision, one she couldn't have dreamed up in her wildest dreams even one hour ago. Theo's knee dipped onto the couch, and she felt the firm planes of his muscle against her back, his breath fanning over her neck and his hands resting over Harry's on her hips.

But he didn't touch her further, didn't kiss her or slide his hands over her, and she realized starkly that she desperately wanted him to.

The decision had been made, and she rested back into Theo, one hand leaving the back of Harry's neck and winding behind Theo's. She turned her face up to him, and if she hadn't been so overcome with lust, she might have smacked the smug look off his face before she pulled his face towards her in a kiss.

Everything about his kiss—about his touch—was different than Harry's. He wasted no time in nipping at her lip, diving his tongue inside her mouth and tasting her fully. Harry's hands curled more firmly around her hips, and he drove up into her, earning a throaty moan from Hermione.

Theo's hands slipped up her tummy, taking the weight of her breasts in his palms and massaging her roughly. She could feel his prick press into her back, and Merlin help her, she couldn't stop fucking making noises. Theo fingers curled around the neckline of her blouse and with a firm tug, ripped it apart, exposing her breasts to Harry, who began peppering kisses over the swells of her breasts.

She gasped, her head rocking back and crashing into Theo's chest as he settled further into the couch, pressed hard against her as her bum rested on his lap.

"Gods, she's fucking pretty—isn't she, love. Her skin looks like cream." Theo's words sent a wanton jolt between her legs, and she bucked in Harry's lap just for a bit of friction. His lips brushed against her ear as his hands found her barely covered breasts again, and he toyed delightfully with her pebbled nipples through her bra as Harry worked his way back up her neck with his mouth. "I can't wait to see you bouncing on Harry's cock." She moaned lewdly. It was all too much, and she could feel them fucking everywhere. "No idea how many times I've gotten him off talking about it, told him how'd you feel wrapped around his cock, squeezing the fucking life from him with the walls of your cunt."

Theo's hands worked on the button of her denims, and she rose up just enough that he could wiggle them partway down her bum. His hands slid inside her knickers, and she felt his teeth against her neck. "Harry, love?"

Harry hummed against her breast, pulling the cup of her bra down and taking her nipple between his lips.

"She's fucking soaked." Without preamble, Theo dipped his fingers inside her. With the angle, it was nowhere near enough, serving only to drive her to the absolute brink of madness.

"Bed—" she pleaded, thrusting shallowly against Theo's fingers. "Please, Merlin. _Bed_."

Harry pulled back, his lips leaving her for the first time since they'd joined a few minutes ago, and he stared up at her, nerves and anxiety crashing behind his vibrant green eyes. She couldn't see a question he didn't want to ask dancing in his eyes, though the curl of his fingers and slight push of his hips communicated his hesitation.

Hermione smiled, her fingers shoving his wild locks back from his forehead. "Bed, Harry."

"About fucking time," Theo growled behind her. He leaned over her shoulder, grabbed a fistful of Harry's hair, and tugged him into a punishing kiss. Hermione felt the pull of Theo's magic behind her, and in an instant they were gone, swirling together in a vibrant curl of magic before collapsing on the bed upstairs.

They were a mess of limbs, and Hermione worked on disentangling herself. She froze as she watched Harry and Theo, finding each other quickly and ripping the shirts from each other's bodies without another thought.

"Up," Theo growled and pulled Harry to standing, turning him so that Theo was positioned just behind him as he worked quickly on Harry's trousers. Hermione took the moment to take them both in. It'd been quite some time since she'd seen Harry without a shirt on, and he looked far different than he had back then. There was a full smattering of chest hair over his thick muscle, and the cuts of his hips disappeared into the waistband of his trousers.

In awe, Hermione watched as Theo slipped the button of Harry's trousers free, kissing his shoulders as he slid the garment down past his knees. Theo whispered something unintelligible into his boyfriend's ear, earning a visible shiver as his hand slipped in his pants. Theo's fist curled around Harry's cock, pumping it in the confines of his pants. Harry buckled under his touch, and Hermione whined as she pressed her thighs together; she could never have imagined this turning her so much.

"I think your girl's getting lonely, Potter." Theo's hand slipped from Harry's pants, and with a gentle nudge, Harry crossed the few steps to stand over her. His darkened gaze never left her, even as he tugged her denims the rest of the way down and sank to his knees.

His lips lightly caressed the inside of her knee, and his hands pressed her thighs further apart as he left a wet trail closer to the ache at the apex of her thighs. "Say yes, Hermione." Harry's voice was soft—timid—and his breath fanned over her soaked knickers. Her head fell back, her lower back leaving the mattress as she breathed her assent.

He grinned against the sensitive skin of her inner thigh, one finger hooking in the seam of her knickers and dragging it to the side as he licked her slit from top to bottom with the firm tip of his tongue. A groan rumbled against her sex, and she moaned as he dipped a finger inside her. "You taste better than I dreamed. Like fucking honey." His mouth latched onto her throbbing clit, teasing and flicking, laving long flat stripes across it and curling around it.

"Arse up, Potter," Theo purred, dropping to his knees behind his boyfriend, a hand disappearing between them as Hermione's visioned darkened, a second finger sliding in and curling against the walls of cunt. "Merlin's sack, you look good buried in her thighs. I can't wait to watch you fuck her, watch you turn her into the puddle you make of me whenever I ride your cock."

Harry's body began to rock, his arms winding under her thighs and gripping her tight as Theo thrust into him at a punishing pace. "Theo—" Harry whined, resting his forehead on her mound, his nose bumping her clit as he lost his abilities to function.

"Make her come for me. Come on, don't give up that easily—I wanna taste her on your fucking tongue when I spill inside you." Theo paused his bucking long enough for Harry to once again attach his mouth to her clit and pump his long fingers inside her until her orgasm was washing over, devouring her in a single swoop. "That's it, that's our girl," Theo crooned, his fingers winding in Harry's hair and dragging him back so that his back was pressed flat against Theo's chest.

Hermione's vision was hazy, her orgasm still draining from her system but she was acutely aware of Theo and Harry's tongues tangling together as Theo resumed his thrusts into Harry's arse. Harry's strong-arm wound up and around Theo's neck, dragging him deeper and pushing his tongue further into his mouth until Theo was stuttering and falling apart at Harry's back.

"Fuck, I love you—" Theo mumbled once his hips had stopped spasming, and he nipped at Harry's full bottom lip once before turning his eyes back towards Hermione, spent and sprawled out on their bed. "Let me watch you fuck her, love."

"I love you," Harry returned, kissing him eagerly as Theo slid from inside him, both of them shivering. Harry climbed over to Hermione, hitching her knee up on her hip and driving into her in a single fluid thrust. "Hermione." His words were a plea, a praise, a mantra. And he repeated it against the crook of her neck as he drove in and out of her again and again.

Harry pressed an impassioned kiss to her lips, dipping his tongue that still tasted of her in her mouth for the briefest of moments before rocking back on his haunches, lifting her arse until it rested on the tops of his thighs and then fucking her until she was crying out and tangling her own fingers in her curls.

New hands found her breasts, found her cheeks and her neck, and soon Theo's tongue was in her mouth as he plucked at her peaked nipples. Hermoine gripped him hard around the back of the neck, dragging him deeper into their kiss as Harry continued thrusting into her. They were everywhere all at once, and the overstimulation was maddening and delightful.

Theo's flat palm slid down the taut lines of her stomach, and his finger found her throbbing clit, teasing and testing her with a few swipes that led to her hips bucking up and into Harry. Theo pulled back, staring down at her as he played idly with her. Without warning he pushed two fingers into her mouth, pressing them flat against her tongue, and she wasted no time in wrapping her lips around them and sucking.

"Gods, I want to fuck her, Harry." His fingers slipped deeper into her mouth, almost to the back of her throat, and she moaned as his other hand continued their ministrations. "Would you like that, love?" Hermione's eyes popped open, and she nodded eagerly. Theo rose to his feet.

Harry groaned. "I can't hold out watching you two. I'm too close." His voice was deep, husky, and Theo's head fell back as Hermione reached out to close her hand around the base of his cock.

Between her thighs, Harry stuttered and paused, his hands resting on the mattress as he pushed into her a few more lazy times, his orgasm waning. "Talk to me love, you know how I like it," Theo said with a smirk, and Harry chuckled, shaking the bed.

"Is this not enough for you, Nott? The golden girl herself is sucking your fingers and you just fucked Harry Potter. _Now_ you want dirty talk? You're needy," Harry teased, falling down on the mattress and playing with Hermione's breasts as Theo stared down at her, a soft grunt as she rolled her fist around him.

Theo gasped. "_Needy? _I'm offended—ah, _bugger._" He moved from her touch and pressed her knees apart, staring wantonly down at her.

Her body felt abuzz with her orgasms; still, there was something in the glint in his eyes, and she just _needed_ to have him too. Maybe she was the needy one. She nodded, and he smirked, his hands curling around the back of her knees and spreading her wide as he sank into her, slowly, his eyes trained where they met and watching his cock slip inside her.

"Mind if I go on with it?" he said, his voice strained. "I forget how good a pussy feels."

"Ungh," Hermione bemoaned, her face falling to the side. Having her legs spread open like that was an entirely new sensation, and she nodded, desperate for him to just fucking _move_ already. His hips snapped, although he didn't release his hold on her legs, and he drove into her at a furious pace, small grunts slipping over his tongue and after just a few minutes, he emptied inside her, his head falling back and a smile growing on his lips.

Harry's hands found her waist, tugging her towards the middle of the bed and curling around her naked, spent form, his thigh slipping between hers. Theo joined, far more enthusiastically than the other two could muster and climbed behind Harry, spooning him and laying kisses over his tanned shoulders. "So," Theo continued, his voice dripping with amusement, "this was fun. We should do it again. Say—in an hour?"

Hermione's eyes popped open, and it wasn't until she saw Theo's playful smile that the panic washed away. "Prat. If you want to have your way with me anytime soon, I need sustenance. Food and water and definitely more wine."

"Your wish is my command." Harry grinned, grabbing the blanket and tugging it over their intertwined bodies. He shifted, propping up on his elbow and called out, "Kreacher!"

"_Harry!" _Hermione hissed, but it was far too late. Kreacher stood next to the bed, his normal scowl screwing up his already unpleasant face. A shameful blush stained her skin, and she buried her face in Harry's chest.

"The lady demands food, water, and wine. Can you see to it?" Harry's cheeky tone of voice made Hermione chuckle, and she shimmied closer to him.

"Of course, Master Potter," Kreacher's voice croaked. "Kreacher is honored to serve the most ancient house of Black and its master… and his pure-blood lover… and his mud—"

"_Enough, Kreacher!" _Both boys chimed in unison. With a _crack_, Kreacher was gone, and Hermione pulled away to slap at Harry's chest.

"So I guess I'm staying, then. Since you've already humiliated me enough by inviting Kreacher into the room and he's off to fetch refreshments."

"Guess you're staying," Harry echoed, his eyes bright and a Cheshire grin curling up his face.

Theo let out a sigh, resting his chin on Harry's shoulder. "Thank fuck. I was beginning to wonder how long it'd take to woo you, Granger. I couldn't keep up with Harry's brooding for much longer. Glad to have you around."

Hermione smiled, resting back and wondering how on earth she'd wound up in this very bizarre but wonderful predicament. "Glad to be around," she agreed with a smile.

* * *

**A/N: To the lovely Frumpologist, I hope you enjoy this little birthday gift! It was fun writing this little trio and I hope all the body parts went in the right places. **

**Alpha and Beta love to InDreams and Ravenslight and special thanks to MCal for giving this a read as well. They know just how needy I can be lol **

**Happy birthday darling! **


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